Love, Leah Margaret's avatar

Love, Leah Margaret

a collection of thoughts about my diagnosis with depression and struggles with dating, love & heartbreak


“…all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:16, NIV)

Did you know that God has already written out the story of your life? He’s written out plans for your good, plans to prosper you, plans for peace. That doesn’t mean that you won’t go through negative situations. It means that God will use everything you go through to move you forward toward that good plan.

When things happen that we don’t understand, it’s easy to think, “Why did this happen? Why did this friend betray me? Why did this company lay me off? Why didn’t I get that promotion?” But, you can’t let the things you don’t understand keep you stuck on the same page in the story of your life. You have to decide to turn the page so that you can see the victory waiting for you in the next chapter.

If you are facing a difficulty today, know that God’s plan is to turn it around and use it for your good. The story of your life isn’t over! Keep moving forward, keep believing, keep hoping, keep forgiving because your days are written out for good, and it’s time to turn the page and see the blessing He has in store for your life!
Today you are You,
that is truer than true.
There is NO ONE alive
who is Youer than you.
- Dr. Seuss

The Perfect Date

I finally found a guy who isn’t afraid to do new and exciting things. Plus he wants to do new and exciting things with me! How fun. From my personal experience, young guys especially Black men seem to be afraid of doing anything they’ve never done before. Do you know how hard is it to get a guy to eat a food they’ve never ate before? even if it’s steamed broccoli, or get in the water and go swimming like actual swimming half the time they never learned. But my current relationship has shown me that, not all guys are the same and you really have to go on dates to get to know who you are dating.  

The perfect date to me is one where you get to see someone’s character come through, the more dates you go on the easy it is to see if the person you are dating is the right person for you. This effect can be amplified if they are doing something they are taken out of their comfort zone. Maybe they aren’t the right person if you invite them to a concert to your favorite band and they complain about the music the whole time or worse…..doesn’t even bother to go and suggests that you go with your friends instead of him. And most guys want to complain about how they don’t have money for out of the box stuff. That’s just an excuse to not be creative. The best dates can be free and don’t have to be dinner and a movie. It’s cheaper to ride bikes in the park. Even if you do go to dinner how about that new Indian or Mexican restaurant on the corner not the chain restaurants. 

Usually if i see some out of the box bike ride on some girl’s social media I assume that it was was a date suggested by her and he just went along with it cause he loves her and he wants what’s in store if he complies to her desires. But now i think twice cause I’m in a relationship where my boyfriend suggest stuff to to do and i’m just along for the ride. Half of the time i swear he is reading my mind on what i secretly wish any guy would romantically ask me as a date idea.

I love activity dates where we aren’t just going to the movies and out to dinner. those dates are nice but after a while it can just get repetitive and dull. Even worse that today’s black male thinks a date is watching martin on redbox or his dvd box set and cooking the same chicken and corn he does everyday at the crib and calling that a date. Don’t get me wrong chillin at the crib can be a great date night too. But i believe that everything has to be a balance. You eat just as many fruits and you do vegetables so you can get all the necessary vitamins. Same thing with dates. If you have date night once a week, don’t get in the routine of doing the same thing every date. If we go out to eat every date that’s how your lady friend gets fat. Who whats that? 

No matter the outing, I love being in a relationship where we interchangeably get to see an aspect of the other persons lives though different activities. Like i love art and I love to paint, wouldn’t it be nice if you could get your significant other to be a part of your hobbies that you’ve loved your whole life. I want the chance to see a part of your soul light up when you mention a story and doing similar things can rejog that memory to facilitate a particular conversation.

Look at it as a learning experience. You don’t need to know and remember everything but the fact that you were exposed to it can add culture to your life. Even if ya’ll break up you still can say that because of them I discovered……a..b…c….1…2…3….

for instance, my ex didn’t even eat calamari until i ordered it and made him try it and now i’m sure that every restaurant he goes to he orders it from the menu.  And I will be forever grateful that my ex’s have introduced me to old movies, basketball or fried chicken and eBay. I’m so excited about what date i will go on next and what thing off my bucket list i will scratch off next.

Going on dates ultimately help you create a stronger bond with your significant other. I’m all about bonding. My motto of life is don’t say you don’t like something if you’ve never tried it and always say yes to new things (unless it’s drugs…say no to drugs). 

Nobody cares that you are trying

Sometimes living with my sister reminds me of living with my ex. Sometimes i feel like the moment i speak she shuts down. I hate that i have to accommodate and withdraw myself cause of them. hold back my opinions and feelings cause i know that the typical response is silence. I’m not saying that they have to do everything i say in order for the relationship to work but sometimes i feel like i’m talking to air. Everybody blames me cause i’m all ways telling everybody what to do but nobody realizes that what i’m saying are demands they are options and it would be helpful if you throw out options too. I’m trying but nobody acknowledges that. My sister isn’t my ex. I can’t just break up and not talk to them ever. I care enough to make this relationship work. I just wish that they cared enough about me to at least look at me in the eyes while i’m talking and fully hear my concerns. 

Don’t Stop Fighting


Bruce Wayne watched both of his parents die.

Tony Stark has heart problems and anxiety.

Peter Parker saw his uncle being murdered.

Steve Rogers lost his best friend.

Bruce Banner attempted suicide.

If they can save the world, you can get through this day.

Never stop fighting.